My profile reads, Carrie, a woman with a dream. That’s how I’m known on social media.
That’s me, the dreamer. Ever since childhood I’d had imaginary friends. I remember conjuring up exciting adventures to keep myself entertained.
As I entered my teens, I continued to create these fantasy friends. I had become an avid daydreamer. I realized daydreaming was my way of protecting myself from bitchy teenage girls and very hormonal teenage boys.
Then the daytime fantasies transformed into nightly dreams and became filled with sexual innuendos. At sixteen, my understanding of sex and making love comprised of nothing more than heavy petting. Yet those nightly images lulled my roaring hormones to sleep.
Every night my imagination sprang to life when I rested my head on my soft feather pillow. In those dreams my characters were featureless, blank slates. There was, however, one constant, I was always the maiden in distress and the one the knight in shining armor came to rescue.
Adulthood came knocking at my door faster than my Amazon Prime delivery. So did the challenges of college, the joy of making new friends, and an actual job that made money. But each night before dozing off to sleep, my mind wandered to another time and place.
I had created a fantasy world – a world which included a dream lover, one that I yearned to put a face to because reality scared me to death. I guess you could say I lacked trust.
Like many young women I did my share of dating and kissed plenty of frogs along the way. I lost my virginity to my first steady boyfriend, Jeremy Hawkins. He was incredibly handsome, at almost six feet tall with sandy blonde hair and intense blue eyes. Jeremy was my first sexual partner, and I fell head over heels in love with him.
We were an exclusive couple through the last two years of high-school. Heavy petting progressed quickly and sex with Jeremy was inevitable. The first time I saw him naked, I swooned. A high school soccer player, his body was athletic and firm. In my eyes he was absolute perfection.
It didn’t take us long to progress sexually, passionately, experimenting with new positions and oral sex. My first orgasm was with Jeremy. The intensity of that exhilarating climax overwhelmed me and my feelings deepened for him.
I remember how hesitant he was to go down on me and when his tongue found its way between my legs, I nearly fainted from my orgasm. I was eager to learn how to give him the same pleasure. I couldn’t fathom a life without him in my future.
After graduating I applied to a four year university that was over two hundred miles from home. Sadly, our parting was extremely emotional. I truly believed Jeremy loved me, would wait for me, but what did I know at eighteen? When I arrived home for Thanksgiving he had unexpected news for me.
“Carrie, glad you’re home,” Jeremy said standing outside my parent’s house with his head down and those beautiful blue eyes avoiding contact with mine. I went to wrap my arms around him but he pushed me away. “No, don’t, I have something to tell you. I don’t think you’ll want to hug me after I finish,” he said quietly.
I backed away. “Ok. Go ahead, what’s wrong?” I asked, holding my breath, readying myself for what he had to say.
“Did you really think we could carry on a long distance relationship at our age?”
I bit my lip. There it was, the blow I’d been praying wouldn’t come. My stomach retched, and I lashed out. “Well, yes!” I tried so hard to hold back the tears. “I thought we were in love. We said we could get through a few months away from each other.”
“Guys are different. We have needs,” he said shuffling nervously from foot to foot while looking at the floor.
Taken aback by his assertion, the heat erupted from deep inside me and I was sure my cheeks were crimson red with anger.
“Needs? Oh pleeezze, that’s the oldest excuse in the book. You could jerk off. You could call me and we could get each other off. What the hell are you trying to tell me?” I was furious.
His next words were a verbal sledgehammer and one aimed at my heart. “I’m dating Kerry Arnold. We’re in love. She’s in one of my classes at junior college in Summersville and well, things happened. I’m sorry Carrie but you and me, it was great, but it’s over. I wanted to tell you face to face because I really cared.”
I made a fool of myself and began to cry, begging him not to leave me. Jeremy Hawkins destroyed my faith in men, and that was over twenty years ago. Never forgetting my first heart break or rejection, I held Jeremy responsible for my lack of trust in the opposite sex.
After Jeremy, I dated a few guys through college. However, I relied on my fantasy lover more than ever. He came to me at night and would always make passionate love to me. I’d wake up in a sweat, aroused and would use my fingers to bring myself relief. I lived in a little world of my own which began when the sun set and the moon lit the skies.
I met Kyle Black in New York City at my first job. Kyle was everything I thought I wanted in a partner. He was average height and his wavy brown hair always looked a little messy, which came across as sexy. His most outstanding feature was his green eyes. The first time I gazed into them, I believed he was the soul mate I’d been searching for.
I set my sights for Kyle and won him over. Caught up in the moment we dove head first in the relationship and we were married a year later.
Early in the marriage, I realized my mistake, I simply didn’t love Kyle the way I should. Sex with him was disappointing. So once again I turned to daydreaming. I went back into my shell, pushed him away and after ten years of trying, the marriage ended. He met someone else and asked me for a divorce. Our marriage produced one son Barry, and we parted in a civilized manner for our son’s sake.
When Barry was old enough, I went back to work and climbed the ladder of success. However it was a lonely road. I was ready for more and my imagination was lacking along with my nightly fantasy lover. I was no longer a child but an adult with adult issues and needs. So like so many others I joined a dating site online. That’s when I met him, Brian Foxwood.
We exchanged photos, and I liked what I saw. This man was different from the men I was usually attracted to. He was pleasant looking, tall, slender, had medium brown short hair and his friendly pale blue eyes were adorned with a pair of wired rimmed eyeglass. He reminded me of a British professor even though he was a retired shopkeeper.
When we spoke on the phone his British accent melted me down even further. Who would have thought that I’d be talking to a man in the UK and making serious plans to meet one day?
I became hopeful. But like everything else in my life, a great deal was still left to my imagination or lack of. Then one night my fantasy lover returned. Because we’d exchanged numerous photos of one another, my secret lover now had a face, Brian Foxwood. Excited at this new revelation I bought my first vibrator.
Now I imagined him with me. My fantasies grew and so did our online relationship. Then we began to trade erotic scenarios and sexual fantasies. He wanted me to tell him every time I had an orgasm with one of my sex toys. Our trysts online became incredibly arousing.
I finally told Brian he’d taken the place of my imaginary lover and that turned him on. That was when the phone sex began. Our naughty affair escalated and my sexual fantasies took on a new life. The first orgasm we had together was mind boggling. To hear him moan, and catch his breath, as he told me what he’d do if he was there in my bed with me, released havoc on my body.
My orgasms increased ten-fold, when I heard him sigh and he reached his limit, knowing his body was racked with pleasure. The phone calls became like a drug and he called frequently. We messaged each other constantly and our secret tête-à-têtes made me smile more than ever. Once our hands had reached into the cookie jar, there was no stopping us.
Then, one day, he told me he had to stop calling but he could message me online but not as frequently, his life had become complicated.
I never questioned him
There was far too many miles between us to think we could go on the way we were forever. But I’d fallen in love. My heart ached. I was broken and felt as if I’d been kicked in the stomach. I blamed myself for being such an idiot. I must have been out of my mind to put so much faith in such a ridiculous relationship. That was a few weeks ago.
For the first time in years I found it difficult to daydream or fantasize. My world of dreams crumbled.
Then last night my phone pinged, Brian was messaging me. There was an urgency in his message. He asked if he could call. When I hung up the phone my hands were literally shaking with excitement as I wrote down the instructions he had given me.
I honestly don’t remember drifting off to sleep.
My dream began.
A hand touched my face. I gave into the way that hand caressed me. Lips came to mine, soft and gentle. I wound my hands around his neck and crushed my body to his. We were devoid of clothing and my skin tingled as our bodies met. His skin felt good against mine, natural and comfortable.
Our kisses deepened, and he moaned. My fingers ran along his strong jaw and traced the outline of his lips. My lips took the place of my fingers, kissing him lightly. My tongue licked at his lips.
He took my queue and quickly took my tongue and the kiss became hard and deep. Every womanly need in me was aroused and my body weakened with need. He bent his head to my collarbone kissing me softly with tender lips. Then he let out a sigh.
“So sorry but this will be quick and rather hard,” he said his British accent adding to my arousal. “Waiting has been the hardest thing,” he added.
“No worries, my body is strung tight and ready for you, my love.”
“You had to say that,” he laughed.
He grabbed my ass and moved down my rib cage and I knew his destination. Oh, God he’d told me many times how he’d make love to me, and now he was there, between my legs, with his mouth inches from my wet, eager centre. Again a moan escaped his lips, as his tongue opened me, found my swollen nub and began its magic.
My body was so ready and as he slipped one of his fingers inside me, my belly convulsed. His fingers moved slowly as his tongue continued to flick at my swollen bud. I sunk deeper into sensual oblivion, my body aching for more.
His wondrous tongue knew how to get my body ignited. For the first time in a long time my body responded quickly, gushing forth my need. He ran his tongue along the soft skin of my inner thigh letting his warm breath tickle my already aroused body. Licking at my trimmed lips, he expertly lapped in and around my very core. My hands grabbed his soft hair and I brought him closer. His low chuckled vibrated through me.
I tried to hold back, but my body opened up, my insides contracted. Wave after wave of pleasure washed over me. His tongue never moved experiencing my need. This was my first orgasm, the very beginning of what I’d experience.
My lover moved his body up over mine; his breathing was hard and heavy. I was overwhelmed; he’d enjoyed giving me pleasure. However, I wasn’t ready to have him inside of me. “Please let me,” I asked as my hand found his solid member standing tall.
I kissed his lips softly several times, stroking his erection down to the base. I giggled low and moved down his chest playfully biting each nipple using my tongue to harden them. His hands grabbed my hair, and he guided me down his belly, my tongue making a sensuous path.
Both hands held him, as I let my tongue slowly suck the head of his throbbing excitement. A bead of moisture struck my tongue. He was ready for my love play. If my needy tongue brought him over the edge of reason, I’d gladly stay with him until his orgasm subsided. It was only fair of me to return the favor.
My hands grasped his soft balls and I kneaded them slowly, lovingly while my mouth sucked him. His fingers gripped my hair tight, soon he’d cum, and I’d be ready for him. He surprised me by pushing me away from him and moving up over me.
“I need to be inside you. Baby it will be fast and furious,”
I smiled as he took my legs and hiked them up over his hips plunging his hardness deep inside me. He stopped for a minute his forehead resting on mine.
“It’s as I imagined,” he said.
He plunged into me over and over again, deep hard strokes driving me mad with desire. My clit was still aroused from his knowing mouth and it didn’t take long for another orgasm to begin. That familiar itch, the one that starts deep and rises above every sensation found its way home.
I watched his face, the intensity of his concentration as he moved inside of me. He wanted a piece of paradise. I closed my eyes and let my body soar. His actions became fevered and he took my mouth in another carnal kiss. Our tongues met in desperation, seeking that one ultimate acme and then he stopped his deep thrusts.
My lover held his hardness deep within me and took one last deep kiss. One last thrust gave way to another glorious orgasm.
He collapsed on me and I could feel the thunderous beating of his heart. He’d met his pinnacle.
He raised his head and took one more kiss, one that took my breath away. Rolling us to the side as we held each other until sleep came. Once again I drifted off, content and loved.
Daylight broke through the draperies of my living room. I moved slightly and almost fell on the floor. I realized I was on my couch. I’d fallen asleep while reading. It was obvious I’d spent the night there. I went to sit up when the emptiness encompassed me and memories flooded my awakening brain.
“Oh my God, it had all been a dream, one amazing erotic dream,” I uttered into the emptiness of the room. I shook myself further awake as I cleared my sleep ridden brain.
And then I saw Brian’s face clearly. Once again he’d been my dream lover.
I looked at my phone it was 5:45 a.m. Had my alarm gone off? My thoughts were still foggy, had my sleep been that deep? I took a deep breath and that’s when I realized I had something very important to do today.
I had to be at JFK by 8:00 a.m. today to meet a plane coming from London, England. Tears ran down my cheeks, because Brian was on that plane His marriage was over and this was his chance for a new life and he wanted that new life with me. I had to smile.
Today my entire life of fantasy would become a reality. Would I tuck away those old imaginary friends, those faceless images, for a face I’d grown to love? I giggled, I’d never let go of my fantasies and I’d never stop dreaming.
Grabbing my coat I passed the full-length mirror in my bedroom. I stopped. For the first time in years I was smiling and there was a sparkle in my dark brown eyes. I was forty-eight, dark haired with a mature figure that I was proud of.
I turned around one more time to check out how I looked. Yup, I could still turn heads and now it was my turn to wow the man I loved.
I touched the image of my face. “I’m so glad I never gave up. Never stopped dreaming,” I said to my smiling reflection.
Real love had finally come my way and sometimes dreams come true.
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