“We Need To Talk”
This is the most terrifying phrase to hear during a relationship, especially when it signifies breaking up.
After this bombshell is dropped, what was once a relationship now becomes two strangers who know each other’s secrets. This is when we enter the next phase of absolute guilt and self-pity.
We pity ourselves for being forced into singledom and feel guilty for believing that somehow it was all our fault. We think that we are miserable for the loss of our other half but the reality is we already knew this was going to happen.
So Why Do We Cry?
News flash! You were expecting this.
You may ask yourself countless times why this happened but that is just denial talking. You have already been fearing this moment for a while, because how couldn’t you have predicted this?
You have been dating someone for some time, you even know their weird habits like washing their fruit twice before eating it, but somehow you didn’t realize when the relationship started to change.
When we do begin to realize we have one of two instant reactions: overcompensating or deep denial.
When you feel the relationship starting to become colder a small voice inside you says: “it’s your fault but you still have time”.
So what do you do?
You start to deliver an overload of affection basically loving for both. When things start lacking in the relationship you compensate, this can go from surprises to a simple act of holding hands.
I call this the ‘don’t worry you are just being paranoid’ reaction.
We simply convince ourselves that we are reading too much into things, making excuses for the losses. Never accepting the simple fact that the relationship is growing apart.
You don’t miss the person, you miss the memories. When two people start to grow apart they no longer act as the people they were when in love.
Most relationships survive even if this is happening due to people living in the past. When the relationship ends all you do is think about the memories. However, do you notice that most of the time they are not the recent ones?
Why? You miss the old “us”, not the current version of us you were tolerating. So the truth is you don’t miss the person that kissed you last week, you miss the person that made you melt with their kiss months ago.
At the end of the day the hardest part is that you lost your best friend.
The layers of a relationship are made of a strong friendship and love. When the love is gone, the history of this friendship remains – the memories, the history, the secrets, the laughs, the fights and all you went through.
You are not just grieving the loss of a lover but the person you would call at three in the morning to talk about a thought.
Once you’ve realised the point where the relationship started to change you enter the what if phase.
You torture yourself with millions of scenarios of what you could have done, thinking the universe will somehow hear you and help you.
Basically, what I am saying is that you are not filling your body with huge amounts of ice cream because you miss the person but because you are stuck in memories.
Once you realize that the relationship stopped making sense a long time ago you can start moving on.
By Teresa Lobo