I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase…
“He knows me better than I know myself?”
Well, maybe he does but it probably doesn’t ring true when it comes to the self pleasure department.
Many women have had a long-term relationship with a vibrator and, with minimum concentration, can get the deed done in a couple of minutes if they so wish. So, even if you and your partner are so in sync you finish each other’s sentences, your sex life with yourself, like with any long-term relationship, has room for improvement.
Masturbation is a pressure release, a natural sleeping pill and a plain old-fashioned good time (not that I needed to sell it to you). It also gives you room to try new things without stressing about your fella’s expectations.
So step away from your vibrator, not forever, just for a few minutes. If you want to improve your self-pleasuring skills, the best place to start is your mind.
Seduce yourself, that doesn’t mean leaving little love letters to yourself around the bedroom, but some lower-maintenance pampering can get you in just the right mood.
You can start by playing soft music (my personal favourite Enigma) and lighting a few scented candles. Porn works too, if that’s your thing of course. So does plain old closing your eyes and fantasising.
Bring to mind a situation that turns you on, and then let it fully develop into fantasy. Never judge yourself on your dirty thoughts, it’s just in your mind and there is no such thing as the thought police.
Now you’ve worked yourself into a mental frenzy of passion, focus on your body. Start with a slow body massage. You already know the places that work best for you, but now is your chance to find undiscovered sources of pleasure.
Try paying special attention to your neck, the back of your knees, your thighs, and your perineum (the stretch of skin between your vagina and anus).
If you are used to masturbating while lying on your back, try sitting in a chair, or even standing, or maybe try it on all fours. Kneel as if you’re straddling your man, maybe in front of a mirror so you can watch yourself.
Variety is key to most things in life so why not apply it to your self-love routine? By masturbating in the same position every time, you may have more difficulty getting off with a partner. So stay flexible and keep it new.
Now, let’s go back to your bedside friend. If you have been using the same one for some time, it might be time to upgrade to vibrator 2.0. Try something that hits the elusive G-spot (A rabbit or regular vibrator is tailored to the clitoris).
Look for something that has a curve. Try a stronger vibration, or look for something with ridges or bumps for added stimulation.
Find yourself a curved waterproof toy, run yourself a bath and go for it. Try to aim the curve toward your navel when you insert it, the G-spot is a couple of inches inside the vagina on the front wall.
Your G-spot will often be easier to find when you’re turned on, because it swells when aroused. If you don’t feel like embarking on the G-Spot hunt don’t worry, just do whatever feels good for you.
Sex-toys aren’t always everyone’s cup of tea and that’s ok. What matters is that you feel good and if you’re playing sexy music, giving yourself a massage and just generally feeling good, all the better.
Let your hands get to know every inch of your body and see how many erogenous spots you can find that you didn’t know you had.
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