I’ve been leafing through a few men’s health mags and men’s sex advice of late to see what’s happening on the testosterone side of the fence.
Did you know Freud called female sexuality “the dark continent”, if that’s true, male sexuality could qualify as the dark planet. But when it comes to sex, guys aren’t difficult are they?
The boudoir or bedroom is one of the great platforms of the male performance and, as such, what you see and hear is typically the role not the reality. It’s no wonder, in trying to please the actor, a woman loses sight of a man’s true identity.
Here are a few of the things I’ve learnt whilst investigating how men feel and what they would like us ladies to know and understand about them.
Men Fear Intimacy
But not for the reason you think!
Studies show that boys are more affectionate than girls until they reach the age of school. And that is when social repression begins, a repression of words, thoughts, feelings and our desire for human connection goes AWOL.
So taboo is this desire for intimacy that its possibility can terrify men, not because it’s smothering, but because they realise how desperate they are for it.
So what should us ladies do?
Firstly, you need to understand that your guy’s hasty retreat after sex may be about his own shock at how much he craves a connection with you (and how much he’s denied it in life). Then, retreat a little yourself. This gives him time to see that his childhood habits are, in fact, perfectly manly.
Men Like It When You Talk
Talking during sex stimulates more than your fella’s ears. What kind of talk I hear you say?
Dirty, praising and instructive are great starts. As amusing as it may sound, a woman’s words can make a guy feel as potent and virile as a Roman gladiator, even if he’s a local plumber.
Men Appreciate Sex for Sexs Sake
Having said all that about intimacy, sometimes a “quickie” is the right medicine.
Apparently, men want their wives to enjoy raw sex, not just endure it. For men, it’s not about dominating a woman, but ravishing her. So, try letting him ravish you every now and again.
Men Respond to Praise Too
It’s often misconceived that men are so consumed by our irresistible libido that they have no self-consciousness surrounding sex. But men are no different from women when it comes to compliments to boost sexual confidence.
This praise can be delivered even before reaching the bedroom, give him the once-over and tell him how hot he looks, or give him the once-over and tell him how fit he looks naked. Our fellas worry about the size of their belly and other measurable organs, their hair (or the lack of it) and other attributes.
Try to be extra re-affirming about those sensitivities.
Men Are Not Just A Penis
Little Willy gets all the press, but men have many erogenous zones. Men tend not to correct us because they’re afraid we will shut down and not touch them at all. But there are many places that we should touch like the chest, the inner thighs, face and ears.
Here are two other key arousal areas, gently gripping a man’s testicles can be a real turn-on. Also stimulating the perineum, the area between the scrotum and anus, will heighten pleasure during oral sex.
You’ve got the knowledge ladies, now try it.
Men Encourage Fantasies
Men would love to share their fantasies but worry their other halves may shame or judge them, they also wish women would reveal their own fantasies.
How about opening yourself to these possibilities? Try making a game of it.
First and most important, promise not to judge the other, then, privately write out scenarios that you are aroused by and place them in a box. When you are next intimate pull one out. If you’re both comfortable give it a shot. If not, discuss what about the fantasy you like/don’t like?
Sometimes, just a small change or adaptation can make for more comfortable scenarios.
Men Need Your Honesty
Sex can solve the stresses of a relationship, but it’s often where the stresses show up. If he complains about a lack of sex (or maybe doing certain things only on his birthday), there may be more serious issues you need to discuss.
The male ego is often tied to sex, so it’s easy for him to dismiss bedroom problems as female disinterest rather than real issues you may have. Avoiding these problems, however, only enhances his frustration.
Men Always Need It
But not for the reason you think men are accused of being sexually insatiable, but we women should rethink this. The female body menstruates once a month relieving the body of stress, hence we get a little grumpy before we release all that tension.
Men on the other hand only have one way of releasing stress and tension and that is via ejaculation. Ever notice how grumpy he gets after 2 weeks without sex? This is why men need to masturbate on a more regular basis than women.
On the long list of priorities sex should not be on the bottom rung. If keeping him happy doesn’t make you want to “seize the day” (or something else), consider the health benefits: Orgasms release oxytocin, which has also been called the “bonding hormone,” bringing couples closer together while alleviating anxiety and stress, reducing blood pressure and promoting healing.
Share this using the buttons below.