I left my husband July 25, 2010 – 2 days after the birth of our son. I was married to my sociopathic narcissistic abuser for 3 long years. Mental, verbal, spiritual, sexual, financial, physical abuse that was incessant & isolating in nature. With the unexpected death of my Father on April 10, 2010, I knew something had to be done to protect me and the life of my precious son. I was 6 months pregnant and I knew my life would never get better.
July 25, 2010 is like a distant dream. My son, only 2 days old, screaming incessantly for comfort. My husband was enraged; jealous at the thought of another life taking me away from his “attention”. A punch on my chin sealed my fate.
As my husband was hauled away to jail, I was advised to visit the State’s Attorney’s Office. On July 26, 2010 I filed my restraining order, filed my case with the state’s attorney, and filed for divorce with a lawyer specializing in domestic violence cases.
I was the third woman my husband had “formally abused”. The two women prior to me dropped their case against him to prevent further intimidation. They had no children with him nor were they married to him. I had no idea they even existed. Since I am the “third”, if another woman were ever to file domestic battery against him, his felony charge would include prison.
As of now, his felony charge is pending his own recognizance. Upon learning this, my determination was sparked. I was awarded primary custody but had to endure his court harassment for 3 years before he gave up. A court hearing that would eliminate the restrictions on his visitation with our son that I fought so hard to put into place.
I fought tooth and nail to prevent my ex husband from having overnight visits, all through pro se motions (free; representing yourself). A lawyer for a 3 year court battle once a month like clockwork would’ve made me homeless.
I learned on my own how to state my case. Demanding supervised visits; winning. Demanding anger management and extensive counseling; winning. Demanding a crucial 3-panel drug test; winning.
My ex husband ceased fighting the court when I demanded a once / month drug tests and a social service safety evaluation of his home prior to any agreement on extending visitation times with our son. That was a year ago.
A sociopathic narcissistic abuser does not just go away or end their torment. They thrive on fear and have a steady supply of intimidation for their chosen victim. They are incapable of real and valuable bonding with their children. I know this by what Tot tells me when he comes back home to me.
My precious 4yr old that tells me everything. My son; crying on visitation days but recanting because he so wants that bond with daddy. My son; comforted by the thought of wolves surrounding and protecting us at night so he can sleep without worry. I live for him. I fight for him.
Now you know a little about me you are ready to read my story…. Fight or Flight
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By Kendra Lynn