Today it gives me great pleasure to hand over the page to our #VOELady RM Canada Melissa Dawe.
Pregnancy, Childbirth & SexPregnancy and childbirth is a life changing event. It changes our environment and it does quite a number on our bodies; physically, emotionally and even neurologically. I am the proud mother of two children and suffered my own internal struggles throughout the course of pregnancy and parenthood. One of my biggest struggles, which is a struggle for many of us, happened in the bedroom.
I give you my story and hope that other women with similar struggles find their way back under the covers. I originally never had any interest to have children. I never babysat in my life and didn’t even know how to hold a baby. Quite frankly, children made me uncomfortable. So the ball rolls, this person and that person start having babies and my curiosity gets the best of me. One spur of the moment night I say “Hey hubby. Do me now and we’ll have a baby boy,” One month later I successfully peed on that stick and there he was.
It was an easy pregnancy, no throwing up, but I was tired all the time. Not pregnant I needed ten hours of sleep and now I found myself needing twelve or more hours. I would come home from work and go to bed before eight. The sex slowed down to weekends only. Five months into it heartburn and hip cramps cut us back to once every few weeks. Things were getting dry down there and it was not pleasurable for me at all. By seven months I never had sex again until my ninth month when I started having it just to get that little bugger out of my body.
My little boy was born and I endured the dreaded six week bleed; all the while my husband asking me if it was safe yet. He was excited to get back to normal. But there was nothing normal about me. One day I checked myself out down there and almost had a heart attack. This wasn’t my hooha. Stuff was out that should be in and things were shredded and lumpy. I was like minced meat down there. My conservative man would never want to touch me again if he saw this. So I did the only thing that seemed sensible; I rejected him. Months went by like this; he started sleeping on the couch and he stopped even trying.
The tension was palpable and fights would break out over the silliest things. I didn’t want to be this way; I loved sex and I wanted it back but I had no idea how to get it back. Everything down there was so dry and irritable. When I was alone I would masturbate and orgasm but nothing would come; it felt like a chore. My doctor shrugged it off and told me to use lube…I don’t like lube. After giving my husband a good thorough warning about the train wreck in my panties; I let him in. It still wasn’t great and orgasms still felt like a chore. I felt worried about what he thought about me down there so lights had to be off and only his penis was invited.
Something Had To Change
Eventually my craziness got the best of me and I came up with a great idea; I need to have a baby girl to get an estrogen boost and moisten my southern lips. Sex happened and one month later there she was on my pee stick. My craziness was right; I got that estrogen boost big time. My panties were always soaked whether I was turned on or not. Needless to say it was a little inconvenient at times. But it still didn’t improve the intimacy with my husband; I had a new problem. My sensitivity to smell was a little outrageous and if his pants came off all I could smell was one giant penis, which my pregnancy decided was an unfavorable aroma; enough said.
We had intermittent quickies that could only last as long as I could hold my breath. I was dissatisfied and would saunter off for some alone time, sometimes as much as three times a day. I really felt like one sick messed up pervert. My daughter was born and my wetness prevailed; I was slowly beginning to feel more like me again but my husband was rarely part of those pleasurable moments. At some point a communication barrier was set and we simply were not connecting anymore. I think back and love him dearly for his patience, if it were the other way around I would have certainly flown off the handle.
A short time after my daughter’s birth I stumbled upon the literary breakthrough of what would be a worldwide movement in the once quiet scene of erotica. We all know what I’m talking about. I purchased the Twilight fan fiction and don’t even want to tell you how far into it I read waiting for the big revelation that Christian was a vampire….spoiler alert; he isn’t a vampire. It was my first time reading an erotic fiction and I was hooked. It sent my libido into overdrive and the walls of communication slowly crumbled as I would highlight sections for my husband to read, to give him hints and ideas. We were slowly coming back into action and it was becoming some of the best action ever.
The novels couldn’t come quick enough; my kindle was polluted with smutty reads and Amazon was emailing me daily with lists of more filth for me to feast my eyes on. I opened up in the bedroom and told him everything I wanted without shame. I think the biggest tip of all that I took home from reading these romances was the concept of trust and the realization that I did not trust. Letting go of that was tough but when I did all tension dissipated and I was at a state of emotional peace that I never knew existed.
That is my story of how I got it back. Relationships are by no means all about sex. However if sex is a normal part of your relationship, a lack thereof can certainly provoke doubt and insecurity. I cannot stress how important trust and communication is in a relationship; it took me years to realize it myself. Hopefully my story will help others that have lost it to get it back as well. It might not necessarily be through erotic stories, but maybe it will ignite some inspiration to try things out and find their own breakthroughs. Even today, thirteen years into my relationship, I am learning new things about his body and my own. It is a never ending adventure; enjoy it.
By Melissa Dawe
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