Well our Ridiculous Sex Toy posts seem to be keeping you all entertained. After Part 2 you keep asking for more, so here comes more.
Let’s see what I’ve managed to dredge up from the depths of the internet to amaze you today. The choices are endless I have to say. Some are a lot more outrageous than others but weird nonetheless.
First up on the list today is:
Er herm! Well what can I say, my eyes are watering at the sheer sight of this thing.
It kind of leaves me without words, what to say. Who? Why? Ouch!!
Somewhere between a Civil War era Mortar and a cannon sized penis we have this toy, perhaps the worlds biggest dong. If you know someone who’s looking for a challenge, or just needs a coffee table centerpiece that’s a surefire conversation starter, you need one of these.
Sales of this beast were apparently very high. The shipping alone for this 40 kg sex toy will set you back about £60 that alone is enough to put you off buying one, (if you were considering it).
I’m wondering what the stamp is on the side. Is it a radiation symbol?
Whatever it is this sex toy is pretty intimidating.
I think I’ll just take the coca~cola thank you very much.
The Oral Snorkel
What better invention than the oral Snorkel for improving your diving techniques. No need to come up for air, your fella can spend the whole afternoon exploring your tropical aquarium with ease.
Despite the photo this toy is actually for him and is advertised to help him breathe normally whilst he is swimming in your lusty lagoon of love.
Can you really imagine your hunk strapping this contraption to his face before taking a dip at the Y? Not only is it absurd, it’s really unnecessary and counterproductive as a good giggle will more likely be on the menu as opposed to the obvious.
Oral sex is a delicate matter at best without a face plant in your crotch. If you can’t figure out how to breathe through your nose then I’m afraid you totally deserve to look like an extra from The Bee Movie.
I wouldn’t let that come within 10 meters of my lady garden.
It does kind of imply that he hasn’t got a clue and that’s not the kind of advertisement us girls are looking for.
Born Again Virgin
So if you’ve lost, misplaced or damaged your hymen recently, fear not. You can now restore your virginity and your dignity for the small price of $30.
You too can be a born again virgin with this fake hymen. Recreate that magical moment of hymen discovery time and time again. Throw in a few moans and groans and he will never know. Did I really just write that? Forgive me ladies.
This product came to light after Conservative Egyptian politicians tried to have it banned. They were said to be concerned over brides being able to fake their virginity.
The Chinese manufacturers of this little gem of a product, promise on their website
(HymenShop.com – yes really!) to “restore your virginity in five minutes with this new technologically advanced product. Kiss your deep dark secret goodbye and marry in confidence”
Well I really do think I’ve seen it all now. You could even incorporate all three of the above products for a wild and wet night of passion. Mind you, considering the size of the Cannon, the Hymen may not be necessary.
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By Tania Fye
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